themaskgirl











{December 25, 2015}   Temptation and repulsion

To put them aside, to shove them off
I ignore, atleast try to, these feelings and
thoughts,
I cannot.

It’s an inner battle between
ARGH’s and AWW’s
between what I desire and I am sickened by
And then it breaks, cravings overruns what
I am resisting and descends a great
darkness upon a COLD WINTER’s EVE
SIX STRAIGHT HOURS OF DARKNESS
……(but then…)

Pain is all that your GUILT BEARS,
you are sickened with what you have become,
as love to my mind……
Weak is your soul! temptations are too strong!
Pain eludes you! Adrnaline is strong and weakens power of guilt.
(As for me…)

I am numb and dumbfounded
as the VICIOUS cycle repeats itself
Mush and hate
temptation and repulsion.

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{September 18, 2015}   Diary of a chaotic mind.

Even most romantic of souls, commit the most unromantic crime. This idea of pure love and yet we make lists in our head about what we want in a lover, like light brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humor that gets to you, you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it’s all bullshit. Silly, people aren’t lists. I have always wanted to be that person who makes people realize this and yet I am guilty of this crime. Very much so. I want to come across someone who is not anything like i have hoped for and show me what I didn’t even know I was looking for. All this while I thought what i wanted. I was fooling myself. Nobody really knows what they want. Not until its right in front of them.

would you be able to love me though? I would love to feel the love back, to be wanted. I recommend against it though because this feeling could heat your chest and bring the earth to flames. Silly, SALLY! I am a curious person.

Don’t fall in love with a curious person. I’ll want…want to know who you are and where you come from. How your family is. I’ll look at all your pictures and read all your poems. I’ll ask you to explode when you are angry and cry your heart out when you are hurt. I’ll ask you what it means when you lift your eyebrow.

I’ll want to know your favorite food, color, person. And I’ll ask you why. I’ll buy the camera you like, I’ll start listening to your favorite band. I wouldn’t be satisfied, I would want to know what makes you uncomfortable, what weighs on your mind, what makes you cry. I’ll want to know what i did exactly, what I did to make you love me. I hope you have photogenic memory. “what time was it?” “what did I do?” “How did you feel?” I WOULD WANT TO UNBUTTON YOUR SHIRT AND READ EVERY SCAR, EVERY MARK, EVERY CURVE, EVERY THOUGHT, EVERY EXTREMITIES, EVERY INCH BEYOND THE SURFACE. But if you still fall in love with this curious person, will you forgive me for being something that will eventually die? Somethings that we love will kill us, but aren’t we dying anyway?

Dear future lover,

It’s funny to think we are strangers . You are in a different room, a different house, different country, a different continent perhaps. Thinking about things that won’t even cross my mind.
It’s so funny to think, you are out there… Laughing, dreaming, looking at the moon, wishing upon the same stars, I look upon everyday.
It’s funny to think you will love me one day.
And  today you have no idea who I am.
ps:- Know that when you do, I will  take your breath away.



{October 12, 2013}   QUALITY OF BEST FRIEND- part 1/5

Part 1: Respecting Yourself

1

Be your own best friend first. Learn how to respect yourself. If you can’t respect yourself, then you can’t respect others. Decide what boundaries are important to you and respect them. Not only is this healthy for you, but you’ll also get enough practice and experience so that you’ll be familiar in this area when respecting other people’s boundaries. Understand what values are important to you and stick by them. Seek out others who honor those values because you’ll only end up hurting yourself and possibly others if those people don’t have the same values as you.

Close relationships with other people — whether it’s a romantic relationship or an intimate friendship — teach us a lot about ourselves. Don’t be afraid to learn about yourself. If you don’t like who you are, it’s hard for other people to like you.

  • Don’t judge yourself too harshly. It’s easy to hold ourselves to a really high standard sometimes, a standard that is impossible to uphold. If you’re a perfectionist, learn to be a little forgiving toward yourself.
  • Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Everyone feels vulnerable about some things, right? Don’t be afraid to show your best friends the parts of yourself that are vulnerable. They won’t care, and if they do, they might not be the right friend for you.
  • If your friends kindly point out your faults and/or suggest you make certain changes to help your friendships blossom, don’t automatically grow defensive or harbor bitter feelings against them. They are only trying to help you become a better person, and you should feel blessed to have such thoughtful friends. Also, if you improve yourself, you’ll be able to prevent future friendships from being torn apart.
    • However, if your friends aren’t being very nice to you about your faults and picking on you for it, kindly let them know how you feel. If they refuse to stop, you may not want to spend as much time with them anymore.
      2.
      Be yourself.
    • Being yourself around someone is part of what makes you all best friends. You are who you are, and your best friend will accept that. Being “fake” could lead you to losing your best friend, and it gets tiring to be someone whom you’re not. Be best friends with someone who you know you can be yourself around because it isn’t worth it trying to be someone you’re not in order to get closer to someone else.
      • Don’t hold things in. If you feel uncomfortable or have hard feelings toward your best friend, talk about it with them. It hurts even more when your friendship is being torn to bits while your friend has no idea how to fix it. Make things comfortable, and you’ll both go through thick and thin together.
        WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW FOR 2ND PART. WORDS MAY NOT BE MINE BUT FEELINGS ARE TRULY MINE .
        ~~~~~~~~TADA~~~~~~~


{July 22, 2013}   Being nostalgic..

This is my senior year at high school which means my last year of school. When we gave farewell party to our seniors i did not feel for a moment as if I am going to miss these days or they are ever going to end. But as soon as the party ended a very awkward feeling went through me. I did not realize then what it was. Since the days are passing I started feeling nostalgic. As in I already started missing my good happy days at school. How every student knows me and I get to be “ms. popular”. Am I going to get familiar atmosphere at my college. [obviously not :(]. People say that when they say they are going to miss school they don’t mean the studies but friends, but i am going to miss both. Since here it was fun learning rather than burden learning. OMG I am going to cry. :'(.
~~~~~TADA~~~~~



et cetera